The Most Important Conversations to Have Before You Get Married, According to a Brooklyn Therapist
When couples plan for marriage, their attention often goes to the logistics—guest lists, venues, and vendors. But the most impactful preparation happens far from the ceremony. At Groundwork Therapy, a Brooklyn-based practice offering premarital therapy in Brooklyn, relationship health begins with thoughtful, structured conversations. The goal is not perfection, but clarity, mutual respect, and stronger emotional tools before entering long-term commitment.
Before entering a long-term commitment, couples benefit from talking through a few key areas that often shape the health and stability of a relationship. These topics may not seem urgent in the moment, but they tend to become defining factors over time.
1. Money: Clarify Beliefs, Not Just Budgets
Finances are often one of the biggest sources of conflict in a marriage. Groundwork Therapy approaches financial conversations with a focus on the meaning each partner assigns to money. One partner may see money as safety, while the other views it as a tool for freedom. These different perspectives can lead to misunderstandings if left unexplored. Instead of only addressing spreadsheets or budgets, couples explore their emotional relationships to spending, saving, debt, and long-term financial planning. These conversations help partners align on financial expectations and decision-making styles.
2. Roles and Responsibilities: Make the Invisible Visible
Couples bring expectations into a relationship based on upbringing, culture, or past experiences. These expectations may remain unspoken but still influence how each person sees their role in the partnership. Many people enter relationships with silent assumptions about who will do what. These expectations often come from cultural norms, family dynamics, or previous relationships. Groundwork encourages couples to talk openly about household responsibilities, decision-making roles, and what equity looks like in practice. Having these conversations before resentment builds helps prevent confusion later.
3. Sex and Intimacy: Talk Early, Talk Often
Every relationship has its own rhythm and comfort level around physical connection. For some couples, this topic feels easy. For others, it brings discomfort. Either way, talking about sex with honesty and care builds trust. Intimacy plays a central role in most long-term partnerships. Differences in desire, comfort levels, or communication styles can create distance if not acknowledged. In in-person therapy sessions at Groundwork’s Brooklyn office, couples can explore their sexual connection, individual preferences, and shared expectations in a safe, nonjudgmental space. This process supports not just physical closeness, but emotional safety.
4. Conflict and Communication: Learn How to Reconnect
Arguments will happen. What matters most is how couples navigate disagreement. In structured premarital therapy sessions, partners learn about their conflict patterns and practice ways to reconnect after tension. Every couple experiences disagreement. Groundwork’s premarital program emphasizes the value of recognizing and naming conflict patterns. Couples learn how to understand each other's emotional triggers and how to repair after tension. The process focuses on developing shared language and emotional tools for navigating future challenges together.
5. Family and Social Circles: Set Boundaries That Support the Relationship
Committing to someone also means building a life with the people around them. Premarital therapy helps couples discuss boundaries with extended family, expectations from in-laws, and the role of friendships or coworkers in their shared life.
Couples rarely exist in isolation. Parents, siblings, coworkers, and close friends all play a role in the wider relationship ecosystem. Premarital sessions at Groundwork explore the impact of extramarital relationships, not in the context of infidelity, but in the broader sense of outside influences. Setting boundaries around time, access, and expectations often strengthens the core relationship.
6. Lifestyle Vision: Align on What the Future Looks Like
Couples should know how each person defines a good life. Do you want children? City or suburb? Do your professional goals support one another? These are not questions that require perfect answers, but they do deserve attention.
Couples should have space to talk about what they each want out of life—where they want to live, whether they want children, how they view work-life balance, and what values matter most. Groundwork’s therapists approach these conversations without a one-size-fits-all mentality. The focus remains on understanding each person's vision and creating a shared path that feels sustainable and fulfilling.
A Space for Thoughtful Preparation
Premarital therapy in Brooklyn provides more than just crisis prevention. It gives couples a supportive structure to deepen their connection, address uncertainty, and prepare for long-term partnership. Groundwork Therapy welcomes couples of all backgrounds, identities, and orientations, including LGBTQ+, interfaith, and intercultural couples.
Groundwork’s premarital counseling program follows a 6 to 12 session model. Sessions are available in person or virtually and are designed for couples preparing to marry or those considering a deeper commitment. The program covers a range of topics that tend to cause stress later in a relationship if left unaddressed.
To learn more about the program or to schedule a session, visit Groundwork Therapy Brooklyn’s Premarital Counseling Program.
Some of the most important work in a marriage begins before the marriage itself.